Category Archives: advice

by | April 18, 2013 · 6:00 am

Simple, Summery, & Fun

Wedding Planning2

Have you ever planned a wedding? Boy, can it be a lot of work!

I have attended, helped plan, and bridesmaid-ed lots of weddings, so I’ve seen how much work wedding planning can be. Now that we are planning our own wedding, Brian and I have a philosophy that the important thing is the two of us committing to each other before God and the rest is just a party with people who care about us.

We want to enjoy our brief season of being engaged and to spend the majority of our time preparing for a lifetime of marriage instead of for a one-day wedding.

Early in planning, I told him, “I think we need to communicate clearly about what’s important to each of us. If neither one of us has a strong opinion about something, we should pick the simplest, least expensive option or eliminate it altogether. Like, if neither of us care what kind of mints we have at the reception, maybe we shouldn’t have mints.”

“I agree and I don’t really care about mints.”

“Okay, bad example. I care and we’re having cream cheese mints.”

For some reason, he laughed really hard.

We still laugh about that conversation, but it greatly simplified the planning. For example:

  • Our theme (wedding themes are trendy, right?) is simple, summery, and fun.
  • Decorations will be cute but minimal and I will probably delegate them to friends who are better at it than I am.
  • We are having an afternoon wedding because more people will be able to make it a day trip.
  • Plus, a cake reception lets us include more people on our budget than a dinner. (We are going to have a light lunch of party subs and chips and fruit with our family and wedding party between photos and the ceremony, though.)
  • We made our guest list in a spreadsheet so we (read: my mom) could do a mail merge to print address labels with minimal effort. The invitations do not require any folding or assembling, so we will just stick them in envelopes.
  • We chose music we like but that is not particularly traditional for weddings.
  • We will have our favorite cake flavors (lemon and red velvet) and some of our favorite drinks (iced tea and peach Italian soda).

Do you have any ideas for simplified wedding planning?

If you need a fun, talented photographer in the Tulsa, Oklahoma area, check out Keri (she didn’t ask me to say that). She is our engagement/wedding photographer and I really like her!

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by | November 2, 2012 · 9:00 am

A Baby, A Wedding, & A PSA*

The past week – really most of October - held one major milestone after another.

I met Eli, my nephew, for the first time last weekend. Meeting my first nephew or niece is a milestone I have been looking forward to for years and I loved every minute!

In my head, I know no one is perfect but this boy is pretty darn close. He is pretty content as long as he can have one hand up by his face.

I also celebrated the wedding of two dear friends last week. I am thrilled for them, especially since I will get to see Veronica more now that we live in the same town!

This sweet girl is one of my favorite young friends. Her dad was my youth pastor in high school and her mom led the senior high girls’ Bible study. They live in Georgia now, so I don’t get to see them as often as I would like but we sat together at the reception and hit the dance floor for all sorts of fun!

Not a milestone but I did snap this photo of a brown recluse spider stuck in my bathroom sink. Note the violin-shaped spot on its back? That is how you can tell it is a brown recluse. They are poisonous to humans and should be avoided. If you are bitten by one, seek medical attention right away. This concludes the “big sister PSA” portion of Insta-Friday. Thank you and have a good weekend!

Question for you: What would you like to advise/warn people about? Post your own PSA in the comments.

*PSA stands for Public Service Announcement.

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by | October 3, 2012 · 6:00 am

31 Days of Random Questions – Day 3

What brings out the worst in people?
Hunger, tiredness, and sore feet bring out the worst in most people. Lots of people need to have a snack, a nap, and more comfortable shoes before they go out in public.

My mom’s advice to my boyfriend about me was something like, “You have to feed her regularly. If she doesn’t feel good, feed her. If she gets crabby, feed her. If she gets too quiet, she probably needs to eat something. When in doubt, just get her a snack.” Yes, she sounds like I’m two years old but she is pretty much right about the eating thing.

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by | September 3, 2012 · 7:00 am

Favorite Photography Apps for iOS

I like taking pictures with my iPhone (and with my iPod Touch before that). I don’t pretend to be good at it, but it is a fun, handy way to capture memories. The apps I have been using most frequently are listed below. If you have a favorite iOS photo app not listed, tell me about it in the comments. I like trying out new ones!

  • Camera+ to take photos instead of the built-in Camera app
  • Diptic to create windowpane-type arrangements
  • Pic Collage to create more free-spirited arrangements than Diptic
  • Over to add text to an image
  • Instagram to add filters and post photos I want to share on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, etc.
  • Photo Sync to upload to Dropbox, a computer, or another device without using cables

Check out some examples of how I use these tools here.

Originally posted at Practical Adventure.

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by | August 9, 2012 · 8:00 pm

How to Change Your Mind… Or Not

As a sister, a friend, and a collegiate ministry staff member, I am occasionally asked for advice. Sometimes I am not sure what to say at first, so I ask questions. On occasions when I know exactly what to say, I still ask questions. I have discovered that most of the time, people need to discuss it or figure out the answer to their dilemma on their own.

For instance, a common question is about whether or not to reverse a past decision. Whether you are reconsidering a relationship change, a job, a school, or something else, there is nothing wrong with reevaluating decisions, the key is to ask insightful questions.

When you think you want to change your mind about a past decision or begin to think you made the wrong choice, ask yourself these questions:
1. What were my reasons for making the original decision?
2. Are those reasons still valid?
3. Do I have new information that I didn’t have previously?
4. Does any new information outweigh the original reasons for the choice?
5. Does any new information reinforce the original reasons for the choice?
6. What would I advise someone else to do in a similar situation? (Sometimes this perspective shift can help me see around purely emotional reasoning. While emotions are valid indicators, mine are changeful and should not be the basis for decisions.)

What other questions would you add? How do you evaluate decisions?

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by | August 3, 2012 · 12:00 pm

Coffee Shop Connections

On Sunday afternoon a couple weeks ago, I stopped at Starbucks during my 75-mile drive home from a family reunion. I stood off to the side, mentally debating what to get while the twenty-something man ahead of me ordered. I could not decide whether I wanted a Cool Lime Refresher or my usual [hot] caramel americano. (Why, yes, it was 105 degrees outside but that does not deter my love of hot drinks.) 

My attention was pulled from decision-making when the customer ahead of me looked at the curly-haired man behind the register and asked if he used to work at Starbucks in a nearby town. The barista confirmed and the customer exclaimed that he did too, “I thought you looked familiar! You got rid of your ponytail though.” 

The barista ran his fingers through his hair, “Yeah, I was trying to get a job teaching English in Korea and needed to look professional for interviews. It worked though because I got a job. Today’s actually my last day working here.”

When they finished their conversation, I ordered my drink and asked the barista, “Are you having a good day? I heard you say it’s your last one.” 

His face lit up, “It’s pretty good. Yeah, I’m going to teach English in South Korea.” I said it sounded exciting and mentioned quite a few of my friends have taught English in Korea and Japan. He asked if I’d been there and we talked about the places I went on a whirlwind visit to South Korea. I asked if he had a degree in English and how he decided to teach. His degree is in creative writing “but that doesn’t really pay bills” and he wanted to try something new. I told him I am working on my M.A. in TESOL* and he should look into it if he decides he likes teaching English. He enthusiastically asked all sorts of questions about the program and admissions requirements, which I gladly answered.

I strolled out of the store with my iced americano, grinning at having witnessed and played a part in someone else’s small-world, random-crazy-connection experience. 

*Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages

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by | June 15, 2012 · 6:00 am

Experiments & Trouble

My siblings and I figured out at a very early age that we could often avoid getting in trouble for doing something by explaining that it was an experiment. Questions like “What are you doing?!” and “What were you thinking?!” and “Why did you do that?” could be answered with, “Well, it was a science experiment…” If Dad were the inquisitor, he would sigh and call, “Hon, come talk to your kid!” When we told Mom something was an experiment, she matter-of-factly asked what we learned. If we could show that we learned from the incident, we still had to clean up or amend whatever went wrong, but did not get in as much trouble. Ah, the perks of growing up with a science mom!

Both of our parents taught us to pay attention and learn from the world around us. Here are the key steps we used for our real-life experiments:

1. Observe
Pay attention to the world and to people, to tiny details and to big pictures.  What do you wonder about? What patterns do you notice? What oddities stand out? Ask lots of questions. Write the questions down if you like, so you will not forget them.

2. Research - Ok, so we tended to skip this step a lot, but it is very helpful!
Have others asked the same questions (or something similar)? What do they say about it? Are they reliable sources?

3. Theorize - A good way to get Mom’s attention and curiosity when we were kids, “Hey, Mom, I have this theory…” Yes, we knew what a theory was.
With the information you have, what do you think is true or what do you think will happen?

4. Plan
How can you find out whether the theory is correct? What are the variables? Risks?

5. Experiment
Try your plan and gather more information. You will probably end up with additional questions and will may change your theory. That is terrific! Experiments that do not work out the way you expect (sometimes called “failures”) have lots to teach you.  Part of experimenting is observing. Since you are already back at the beginning of the list, you may want to go through it again with your new questions and ideas.

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by | May 11, 2012 · 6:00 am

Things I wish people would stop telling kids

Note: This is completely my opinion and subject to change at any time.  Feel free to weigh in and disagree/agree; I don’t mind!

Yes, there is a Santa Claus who brings presents to good kids (or a bunny who hides eggs or a fairy who trades teeth for money). Why: Kids need to be able to trust their parents to tell them the truth. I grew up knowing my parents filled my stocking, hid my Easter eggs, and traded my lost teeth for money. Instead of telling me Santa/Easter Bunny/Tooth Fairy was real, they told me the history behind the tradition and explained that some people pretend it is real. I was a pretty sensitive child and would have been crushed to find out that my parents told me something was real when it was not.

Stay in school (or “Go to college”) so you can get a good job. Why: Education does not necessarily equal employment or career success. Also, some people do not need a traditional bachelors degree to qualify them for the career they want. One friend left college and attended culinary school because she wanted to be a chef. Another friend is very smart and loves to read but chose experience and on-the-job training to help him become a contractor.

It is never too late for ____. Why: Sometimes it really is too late.

You are the future of this church (or nation or other establishment). (See also, You can/will do great things someday.) Why: When people say this to youth groups, it really bothers me because it seems to imply they have nothing to contribute until they are adults; almost as if they are not really members of the church until they grow up. Kids have the potential to make a difference NOW both in their churches and in their countries. One of my earliest memories of civic involvement was writing a letter to the governor in support of a bill that gave previously-cut funding back to public libraries. I was nine and my sister was seven; we used our best handwriting to tell the governor why we liked our local library and ask her to support the bill. We were ecstatic when the bill passed. Maybe our letters did not affect the outcome of the legislation but there is really no way to know and it taught us the importance of getting involved. For more on this subject, I recommend reading Do Hard Things: A Teenage Rebellion Against Low Expectations by Alex and Brett Harris.

You can achieve whatever you set your mind to. Why: There are some things kids will never be able to achieve, no matter what they do or how hard they try. When I was very young, I wanted to be Queen Esther (yes, the one from the Bible). My mom wanted to be a ballerina (but lacked the ability and build). My youngest brother and his best friend decided to be part-time police officers, part-time firemen, and farmers on the weekends. None of these things were possible in reality, but were eventually replaced by other goals and dreams.

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by | March 2, 2012 · 6:00 am

1-2-3 Quiet Time

A couple years ago, my dad was having a weekly Bible study with Justin* who dislikes reading books and had the impression that quiet time required lots of reading. Dad sympathized because he is not a lover of reading and writing either. He prayed for a simple, practical way that Justin could study the Bible and have quiet time. He came up with three steps: Read, Rewrite, Respond.

1. Read a verse.**

2. Rewrite the verse as if God is speaking personally to you (because He is).

3. Respond to what God is saying.

As an example, here is one I did earlier this month:

1. Read 1 Corinthians 1:19-20

For Jesus Christ, the Son of God, does not waver between “Yes” and “No.” He is the one whom Silas, Timothy, and I preached to you, and as God’s ultimate “Yes,” he always does what he says. For all of God’s promises have been fulfilled in Christ with a resounding “Yes!” And through Christ, our “Amen” (which means “Yes”) ascends to God for his glory.

2. Rewrite

Abby, I am never indecisive or hesitant. I do everything I say. I said “yes” to you, to our relationship, and I’ll never change my mind.

3. Respond

Jesus, You chose me and made me Yours. Now I share Your undaunted Spirit; help me act like it. I want to trust You instead of worrying.

You do not have to write as much as I did or you can write more. You do not have to use the whole verse or verses but you can if you want. What I like about this 1-2-3 method is that it is easy to remember and adjusts to fit each person.

*Of course that isn’t his real name.

**If you do not know where to start, try the verse that follows the last one you read or one that was mentioned in the last sermon or Bible study you attended. If neither of those suggestions work for you, start with 1 John.

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by | February 22, 2012 · 6:00 am

Missing Friends

One of the things I am looking forward to about heaven is that none of my friends will be dating and getting married (Mark 12) and none of us will be pressed for time. Seriously, 2010 was a record-breaking year of weddings and I have had six friends get married so far this year. Don’t get me wrong, I love to celebrate my friends’ happiness but I grow weary of “losing”  and missing one close friend after another.

Most of the time, I enjoy being single. Something I dislike, though, is being left out because I do not have a significant other to do social activities with my friends and their sweeties. Some friends vanish when they start dating someone. Some manage to squeeze in “hang out time” until wedding plans get busy. After the wedding, the happy couple moves or is busy spending time together, with their families, and with their “couple friends.” If I was friends with the wife first, the two of us might get together occasionally (especially if I ask often). If I was friends with the husband, we don’t really hang out anymore unless we travel in the same social circles.

I’d Like to Tell Them…
You should understand I knew you were fantastic long before you met your sweetie
You should understand I am absolutely thrilled that you are happy together
You should understand sometimes I just miss my friend

I understand we are all busy
I understand we both prayed for you to find this person (and I don’t regret that!)
I understand wanting to spend lots and lots of time with your sweetie
I understand friendships change over the course of time
I understand life has seasons and this is a crazy one
I understand we still care about each other
I understand quality time means more to me than to some
I understand wanting to have “couple friends” when you are part of a couple
I understand, but that does not make me miss you less
I understand.

Life Lessons (or How to Cope)
Step 1: Realize that not everything is about me.

Step 2: Weigh the opportunity cost. If I am upset, hurt, or annoyed by the changes to our closeness, I can choose to stew in that emotion or I can put more effort into staying maintaining the friendship.

Step 3: Decide that my close friends are, of course, worth the extra effort that it may take to get through this hectic season without losing touch completely.

Step 4: Be the social instigator. Invite friends to do things we both enjoy. Initiate social events for groups of friends. Try setting up a standing appointment. I have coffee* with two girl friends on the second Thursday of the month. Sometimes one of us misses or we cancel altogether, but the recurring plans mean that we still get together more often than when we tried to remember to set up one appointment at a time!

Step 5: Recognize that there is a season to let a friend go, but still remember and appreciate the past relationship.

*For us, “having coffee” means we will get together and talk and, at some point, we will discuss having coffee. Coffee consumption does not always occur, but that is still what we call it.

Originally posted on Practical Adventure, 13 October 2011

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