Tag Archives: observations

by | March 3, 2013 · 8:30 pm

Field Notes on Boys #1-5

I am absolutely not an expert on boys. My information is based completely on my experience and observations from years of living with brothers and having friends who are boys. Many of these can apply to men as well as boys. This set of Field Notes is mainly addressed to girls.

1. Boys do not think the way girls do. (In general, I find people do not all think the same regardless of gender, so it is best to not assume anyone thinks like I do.)

2. Communicating through hints and subtlety usually does not work, so be clear about what you think, feel, or want.
A. Side Note: To improve the clarity of your communication, think about what message you want the other person to get. Summarize that message in one or two sentences. Tell the other person the summary.
B. Side Note: Just because you are clear does not mean they will do what you want.

2. Boys look for reactions. If you like something a boy does or says, respond positively and promptly. Do not try to play it cool or ignore them. They want a positive reaction. If they do not get it, they may try for a negative one.
A. Side Note: Sometimes they try for a negative reaction simply because it is fun to see girls get annoyed, embarrassed, or freaked out.

3. Boys generally love to watch girls get embarrassed, especially if they turn bright red! (See previous Note about reactions.)

4. Boys really can and do think nothing sometimes. This is very relaxing for them, so please do not stress them out by insisting they must have been thinking about something.

5. When young boys do not know what to do, they initiate a random, usually playful, physical altercation. (See earlier Note about reactions.) When one of my brothers was about ten, he saw me reading on the sofa and proceeded to fling himself onto, sprawling the entire length of said sofa and squishing my book. While freeing my book, I asked him nicely twice to get off, to which he just grinned and acted like he could not move. I marked my place in the book, hooked an arm under one of his legs and grabbed his ear with my other hand. Before he could react, I stood up and he hollered loudly as I carried him into another room where our mom was reading. “Mom,” I said depositing him next to her, “You need to deal with your son.” He still indignantly bemoans how “mean” I was in that instance, but he does so with a mischievous grin.

Leave a Comment

Filed under Boys, Field Notes, lists, stories

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , , ,

by | February 14, 2013 · 12:00 pm

Field Notes on Dating #1-5

For the first post of my new Field Notes series, I have selected five Notes on dating, based completely on my experience and what I have observed.

1. If you search the web for romantic gestures for ladies to do for their boyfriends and eliminate all the ones better-suited for married, parenting, and/or cohabiting couples, there is a surprising lack of creative ideas out there.

2. A new dating relationship often inspires women to bake cookies, even if they are normally averse to cooking and baking.

3. The cuteness of coupledom can make friends simultaneously “aww” and gag. If the couple in question tends toward excessive PDA*, there is probably more gagging. I am told by an anonymous source that throwing soft foam darts or other projectiles is a good way to distract and dissuade an offending twosome.

4. I initially had my doubts but kite-flying is a fun date.

5. Not every real relationship is “Facebook official” and that is okay. Social media never tells the whole story anyway.

Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. – C.S. Lewis

What are your random observations about dating?

*Public Displays of Affection defined as excessive by anyone other than the couple.

Leave a Comment

Filed under Dating, Field Notes, life, lists, Quotes

Tagged as , , , , , ,

by | January 8, 2013 · 10:00 am

2013 Theme Word – Enjoy

My theme word for 2013 is enjoy. It means to take joy, “to experience with joy; take pleasure in… to find or experience pleasure for (oneself).”
Enjoy Button
Philippians 4:4 and 1 Peter 1:6 both encourage and command joy. Since joy is commanded, it must be a choice and not a feeling or a mere product of circumstance.
Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice! – Philippians 4:4 (NLT)
So be truly glad.There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. – 1 Peter 1:6 (NLT)

I am sure 2013, like years before it, holds times of all sorts: celebration, sadness, hilarity, stress, change, adventure. There will be mundane days and milestones. There will be events I have planned for and ones that may catch me off-guard. In all these circumstances and any others that come along, I will practice purposely experiencing them with joy and enjoying who God is and what He does.

2 Comments

Filed under celebrations, life, milestones, reading, something to try

Tagged as , , , , , , , , ,

by | January 6, 2013 · 6:00 am

2012 Theme Word: Undaunted

My theme word for 2012 leapt out at me from John 16:33 (Amplified), “I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace and confidence. In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted]! For I have overcome the world. [I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you.]“

My thought process went something like this: ‘Undaunted,’ that’s a good word. Whoa, wait a minute, God. You don’t mean that’s my word for the year do You? I don’t think I like it anymore. Let’s do another one like ‘liberty’ from last year. That was nice. ‘Undaunted’ is a tough word and I get nervous just thinking about what kind of year You may be preparing me for if that is my theme word… which is pretty much the opposite of ‘undaunted,’ huh? Okay, I guess I will be learning what it means to be undaunted this year.

I researched the etymology of undaunted and its root word daunt:
un|daunt|ed (adj)
1. undismayed; not discouraged; not forced to abandon purpose or effort.
2. undiminished in courage or valor; not giving way to fear; intrepid.

daunt (v)
1. to overcome with fear; intimidate.
2. to lessen the courage of; dishearten.
From the Latin domitare, ‘to tame.’

Undaunted means choosing to be untamed by fear or intimidation. It means not retreating when scared, not letting fear or discouragement rule me.

Many times this year, I returned to Philippians 4:13 (Amplified), “I have strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me [I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him Who infuses inner strength into me; I am self-sufficient in Christ's sufficiency.]” and 1 John 4:18 (TLB) “We need have no fear of someone who loves us perfectly; His perfect love for us eliminates all dread of what He might do to us. If we are afraid, it is for fear of what He might do to us, and shows that we are not fully convinced that He really loves us.”

I learned that living an undaunted life is more about God’s faithfulness than it is about me. I need to know Him more deeply because He is the reason I can and should be undaunted.

Leave a Comment

Filed under life, milestones

Tagged as , , , , , ,

by | October 21, 2012 · 6:00 am

31 Days of Random Questions – Day 21

What is something most people appreciate?
Most people like to be respected. I think people perceive respect in different ways, though. For example, listening when someone speaks can communicate that I respect them.

Leave a Comment

Filed under something to try

Tagged as , , , , ,

by | October 15, 2012 · 6:00 am

31 Days of Random Questions – Day 15

What’s one simple way to make life less complicated?
Tell the truth as diplomatically and graciously as possible. That way I have only one “story” to keep track of and people can trust me to be honest without being harsh.

Leave a Comment

Filed under life, something to try

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

by | June 15, 2012 · 6:00 am

Experiments & Trouble

My siblings and I figured out at a very early age that we could often avoid getting in trouble for doing something by explaining that it was an experiment. Questions like “What are you doing?!” and “What were you thinking?!” and “Why did you do that?” could be answered with, “Well, it was a science experiment…” If Dad were the inquisitor, he would sigh and call, “Hon, come talk to your kid!” When we told Mom something was an experiment, she matter-of-factly asked what we learned. If we could show that we learned from the incident, we still had to clean up or amend whatever went wrong, but did not get in as much trouble. Ah, the perks of growing up with a science mom!

Both of our parents taught us to pay attention and learn from the world around us. Here are the key steps we used for our real-life experiments:

1. Observe
Pay attention to the world and to people, to tiny details and to big pictures.  What do you wonder about? What patterns do you notice? What oddities stand out? Ask lots of questions. Write the questions down if you like, so you will not forget them.

2. Research - Ok, so we tended to skip this step a lot, but it is very helpful!
Have others asked the same questions (or something similar)? What do they say about it? Are they reliable sources?

3. Theorize - A good way to get Mom’s attention and curiosity when we were kids, “Hey, Mom, I have this theory…” Yes, we knew what a theory was.
With the information you have, what do you think is true or what do you think will happen?

4. Plan
How can you find out whether the theory is correct? What are the variables? Risks?

5. Experiment
Try your plan and gather more information. You will probably end up with additional questions and will may change your theory. That is terrific! Experiments that do not work out the way you expect (sometimes called “failures”) have lots to teach you.  Part of experimenting is observing. Since you are already back at the beginning of the list, you may want to go through it again with your new questions and ideas.

Leave a Comment

Filed under advice, life, something to try

Tagged as , , , , , , , , ,

by | June 1, 2012 · 6:00 am

Shadow on Affection

They say people become like their pets or pets become like their people… either way, I hear there are a lot of similarities between the two. My family has Shadow, a seven-year-old puppy-at-heart who is probably a Rottweiler-Lab mix (she is a rescue so we are not exactly sure). She lives with my parents across town from me, so I get to visit her often.

She is always thrilled to see me no matter what kind of day either of us have had. She greets me by prancing in circles and wagging her huge tail. When my hands are full and I am not ready to greet her, she sits and waits (still shuffling her front paws and thumping her tail on the floor, watching my every move) until I set down my possessions and turn to pay attention to her. She rushes over, eagerly licking my hands, letting me rub her ears and then turning so I will scratch her back, her hips, her sides. She rubs her sides agains my legs like some sort of 90-pound housecat. Shadow’s affectionate greeting will go on for a good 30 minutes if I let it.

When we are watching a movie or eating dinner or playing games, Shadow likes to lie on the floor near us. If she thinks she is welcome, she will come over and lie right next to (or even on) our feet, just so she can be as close as possible.

I do not know how much Shadow and I are alike, but I think my relationship with God has some similarities to my relationship with her. On one hand, her enthusiastic, all-encompassing affection reminds me of God’s love for me.

The Lord your God is in the midst of you, a Mighty One, a Savior Who saves! He will rejoice over you with joy; He will rest in silent satisfaction and in His love He will be silent and make no mention of past sins, or even recall them; He will exult over you with singing. – Zephaniah 3:17

In the context of the rest of Zephaniah, this verse comes after God has been wronged by people who refused to listen or follow Him, who wanted little to do with Him. He chooses to forgive and reconcile because He loves them (and us!).

On the other hand, Shadow’s adoring desire to simply be near those she loves is what I want in my attitude toward God.

   I’m asking God for one thing,
      only one thing:
   To live with him in his house
      my whole life long.
   I’ll contemplate his beauty;
      I’ll study at his feet.

   That’s the only quiet, secure place
      in a noisy world,
   The perfect getaway,
      far from the buzz of traffic. - Psalm 27:4-5

Leave a Comment

Filed under life, stories

Tagged as , , , , ,

by | May 11, 2012 · 6:00 am

Things I wish people would stop telling kids

Note: This is completely my opinion and subject to change at any time.  Feel free to weigh in and disagree/agree; I don’t mind!

Yes, there is a Santa Claus who brings presents to good kids (or a bunny who hides eggs or a fairy who trades teeth for money). Why: Kids need to be able to trust their parents to tell them the truth. I grew up knowing my parents filled my stocking, hid my Easter eggs, and traded my lost teeth for money. Instead of telling me Santa/Easter Bunny/Tooth Fairy was real, they told me the history behind the tradition and explained that some people pretend it is real. I was a pretty sensitive child and would have been crushed to find out that my parents told me something was real when it was not.

Stay in school (or “Go to college”) so you can get a good job. Why: Education does not necessarily equal employment or career success. Also, some people do not need a traditional bachelors degree to qualify them for the career they want. One friend left college and attended culinary school because she wanted to be a chef. Another friend is very smart and loves to read but chose experience and on-the-job training to help him become a contractor.

It is never too late for ____. Why: Sometimes it really is too late.

You are the future of this church (or nation or other establishment). (See also, You can/will do great things someday.) Why: When people say this to youth groups, it really bothers me because it seems to imply they have nothing to contribute until they are adults; almost as if they are not really members of the church until they grow up. Kids have the potential to make a difference NOW both in their churches and in their countries. One of my earliest memories of civic involvement was writing a letter to the governor in support of a bill that gave previously-cut funding back to public libraries. I was nine and my sister was seven; we used our best handwriting to tell the governor why we liked our local library and ask her to support the bill. We were ecstatic when the bill passed. Maybe our letters did not affect the outcome of the legislation but there is really no way to know and it taught us the importance of getting involved. For more on this subject, I recommend reading Do Hard Things: A Teenage Rebellion Against Low Expectations by Alex and Brett Harris.

You can achieve whatever you set your mind to. Why: There are some things kids will never be able to achieve, no matter what they do or how hard they try. When I was very young, I wanted to be Queen Esther (yes, the one from the Bible). My mom wanted to be a ballerina (but lacked the ability and build). My youngest brother and his best friend decided to be part-time police officers, part-time firemen, and farmers on the weekends. None of these things were possible in reality, but were eventually replaced by other goals and dreams.

Leave a Comment

Filed under advice, life, something to try

Tagged as , , , , ,

by | April 8, 2012 · 1:47 am

Motivation

Christ’s love has moved me to such extremes. His love has the first and last word in everything we do. – 2 Corinthians 5:14

So, naturally, we proclaim Christ! We warn everyone we meet, and we teach everyone we can, all that we know about him, so that, if possible, we may bring every man up to his full maturity in Christ. This is what I am working at all the time, with all the strength that God gives me. – Colossians 1:28-29

In college Bible study on Monday, we discussed our motivation for interacting with others and talk eventually turned to “How do we do this in real life?” (a.k.a. practical application).

Someone mentioned that the way the students live now, the habits they form, and the way they choose to apply life lessons are good indicators of how they will act after college. As I considered that, I realized how true it is of my life, particularly the way I approach relationships and community.

In college, I looked for ways to interact with people and get to know their stories and what they were enthusiastic about. As I grew to know them, I tried to include them in whatever I was doing – hanging out in the library between classes, game nights, Bible studies, campus events, lunches in the cafeteria, and so on. I enjoyed introducing people and seeing them form friendships. I offered an invitation for people to connect with me and others, to be part of a community on whatever level they chose. Some of them accepted and some did not, but I still communicated that I cared and liked them as they were and liked having them around.

I have been out of college for years and I do not have opportunities to interact with as many people now, but I still invite people into my life and community. Off the top of my head, I can think of a number of people just from work who have accepted my invitations to float trips, lunches, Bible studies, game nights, church, murder mystery night, coffee, etc. in the past year. This is not about having an active social life or about how many people I know, I want to meet people where they are and share lives with them because they matter to Christ and to me.

I don’t use myself as an example because I have this figured out or because I think I got it right but because I tried. Sometimes this seems to work and sometimes it does not. I still keep watching for opportunities to connect with people on a personal level, to get to know them, to look for opportunities to invite and include them.

I love people, talk to them, invite them into my life (and share theirs). I listen to God and love Him and spend time with Him and obey Him. That is my part. God’s part is the internal, heart-and-soul work I don’t always see.

Leave a Comment

Filed under life

Tagged as , , ,